Peace and Cognitive Restructuring
What is the goal of life?
Most humans think the goal of life is to chase happiness. It gets sold to us everywhere. We see it in movies, hear people around us talk about it, and convince ourselves that it’s worth chasing. But happiness is an emotion, just like any other.
Happiness is painted as this thing people can never quite reach, and we’re told that the moment we finally do, everything will make sense. But happiness, much like anger, sadness, shame, or frustration, is fleeting. It is simply an emotion. It does not rule our lives. It’s something we experience in passing moments.
We often ask ourselves, “When will I be happy?” when the truth is, we already are. Not all the time, but in the moments when we get to hold our friends and loved ones close. In the moments we receive good news or hear that someone we care about is doing well. Happiness already exists in our lives, just in fragments. But nevertheless, it passes.
The real thing we should be chasing is not a fleeting emotion, but a lasting state of mind. A state where, even when happiness fades, we don’t become dysregulated. It’s being able to feel anger and still remain in control. It’s being able to feel sadness and still trust that everything will be okay. It’s being able to think clearly in moments of frustration.
IT’S PEACE
Peace is something the human brain naturally longs for because it isn’t fleeting. Peace is a state where your mind is so regulated that it can handle both the good and the bad. Peace is being present and trusting the moment you are in. It’s planning enough to feel stable while still being able to let go of uncertainty. Peace is loving despite the risk of not being loved back the same way. It’s empathy for people who frustrate you. It’s being able to rest, even when life is busy. Peace is a lasting state of mind.
Unlike emotions, peace is not something you simply receive. It’s not something that randomly arrives at your doorstep. Peace is something you build through your actions, but even more importantly, through your thoughts.
Cognitive Restructuring
Cognitive restructuring is one of the most liberating skills you can teach your brain. We’ve all heard that life is about perspective, yet we often act as though perspective is something we don’t get to choose. Yes, our perspective is shaped by lived experience, and yes, there are many things outside of our control. But the way we interpret our experiences is still something we can work on.
Cognitive restructuring is not lying to yourself, contrary to popular belief. It’s simply choosing to see things differently. It’s not delusion. It’s the practice of creating enough mental flexibility to move one step closer to peace every time you use it.
A simple way to start practicing cognitive restructuring is to slow down and question the thoughts you automatically accept as truth. Most of us don’t realize how much power our thoughts have over our emotions until we begin paying attention to them.
Here are a few simple steps you can practice:
- Notice the thought
- Pause and identify the thought causing the emotional reaction. Ask yourself, “What am I telling myself right now?”
- Separate the thought from the fact
- Just because a thought feels true does not mean it is true. Feelings are real, but interpretations can be distorted.
- Challenge the perspective
Ask yourself:- Is there another way to view this?
- Am I assuming the worst?
- Would I speak to someone I love this way?
- Replace it with a balanced thought
- Not forced positivity. Not delusion. Just a balanced truth.
- At this step don’t try to convince yourself that everything is going to be fine because this simply does not work. Outcomes may be uncertain, evidence may not be in your favour, but you can always trust that it will pass.
- Instead of: “Everything is falling apart.” (not true)
- Try: “Things are difficult right now, but I can handle difficult things.” (true)
- Repeat the process consistently
- Your brain learns through repetition. Peace is not built in one perfect moment. It’s built every time you consciously choose a healthier perspective over an automatic one.
The goal is not to never feel pain, overwhelm, frustration, anger, or sadness. The goal is to stop letting every difficult thought take control of your entire mind and to always choose peace.
By: Ferny Hernandez of the Support Approach Team
